It is February 2014 and I am struggling with the dilemma - Passion vs Frustration. When does one become the other? I'm not talking in terms of relationships and romance, I'm speaking in regards to employment. At the age of 16 I realised my dream was to become a teacher - naively I believed that it would be easy to get into the profession due to my passion and flair for the arts - how wrong was 16 year old I?
From the age of 10, I have continued to try and add to my skills regarding Drama. Acting and performing arts is my passion in life - no matter how far I try to steer from it, I always go back due to my longing for it. I am full of wonder and bewilderment as to how it is so difficult to get a career that you are happy with. I have had the repeated argument with people who state that "no - one is happy with their job" "a job's a job and you should just get on with it". I always reply with the same answer - I want my job to be my career. I want to look back on my life in 50 years time and be proud of what I have achieved. I want to be happy within my life, not living for the weekend due to not being able to stand waking up 5 days a week.
After 100's of rejections from jobs I applied for due to desperation, rejection from PGCE applications, it's now got to the point in life were I either have a quarter life crisis or I reassess myself. I truly believe in fate and what's meant to happen will - although my gut is what's keeping me going back to Drama. I know there are 10000's of others in the same boat, although all I can think is why can't I just have someone believe in me for a change because the last thing I want is for my passion to become my frustration.
Thursday, 6 February 2014
Thursday, 16 January 2014
January 2014
Where has the time went? It's been a while since I last blogged, reason being that nothing worth writing about has happened within my life recently - depressing but true. At the moment I am unemployed and STILL trying my hardest to find my way in the world. I am 24 years old and know that I want to work within education - my heart is torn between perusing Youth Work or Teaching....both being VERY difficult to get a career within. Sometimes I wish that my heart lay in retail or something a little more achievable, alas, it's never easy.
2013 was a pretty rubbish year - I had a freak accident which involved my car boot closing on my head thus resulting in a fractured skull and a severe concussion. This resulted in me having to leave a fabulous job opportunity THUS resulting in me now being unemployed. I am trying to stay optimistic and think 2014 has got to be better, right? It's only fair that people should have a break from bad luck....if only that's how life worked.
I hope that my next blog will be a little more upbeat and I shall bring good tidings to the world wide wed rather than being so down hearted. I've got to the point were I'm boring myself being down, therefore I think this is the stage in which I need to turn my life around and be positive - easier said than done. Each constant rejection just adds to the 'down' - it would be nice for someone/something to have faith in you.
Only time will tell...
2013 was a pretty rubbish year - I had a freak accident which involved my car boot closing on my head thus resulting in a fractured skull and a severe concussion. This resulted in me having to leave a fabulous job opportunity THUS resulting in me now being unemployed. I am trying to stay optimistic and think 2014 has got to be better, right? It's only fair that people should have a break from bad luck....if only that's how life worked.
I hope that my next blog will be a little more upbeat and I shall bring good tidings to the world wide wed rather than being so down hearted. I've got to the point were I'm boring myself being down, therefore I think this is the stage in which I need to turn my life around and be positive - easier said than done. Each constant rejection just adds to the 'down' - it would be nice for someone/something to have faith in you.
Only time will tell...
Thursday, 26 September 2013
Feeling Deflated!
Why is it when things start going right in your life that something needs to happen to put a full stop to it? This seems to be a recurring theme for me; things start making sense, I'm happy then BOOM something happens to stop all the happiness and puts me back to square one.
I'm sure you can tell from reading this post, that I'm having a 'down' day! I feel as though I'm stuck in limbo and I'm not sure what to do to get out - I just wish I had a sign of what my next step should be! Someone or something maybe standing with a huge sign or getting a letter through the door with an agenda of how to follow your dream correctly....that would be helpful.
How are people supposed to know what to do with their life's? I believe in fate, that everything happens for a reason - but I also believe that there are various paths you can follow to get to one point....this is the difficult part! I know which path I want to follow, although it's getting a foot onto that path which is easier said than done.
I just need some kindness and luck thrown my way and I can begin to turn this frown upside down...hopefully!
I'm sure you can tell from reading this post, that I'm having a 'down' day! I feel as though I'm stuck in limbo and I'm not sure what to do to get out - I just wish I had a sign of what my next step should be! Someone or something maybe standing with a huge sign or getting a letter through the door with an agenda of how to follow your dream correctly....that would be helpful.
How are people supposed to know what to do with their life's? I believe in fate, that everything happens for a reason - but I also believe that there are various paths you can follow to get to one point....this is the difficult part! I know which path I want to follow, although it's getting a foot onto that path which is easier said than done.
I just need some kindness and luck thrown my way and I can begin to turn this frown upside down...hopefully!
Saturday, 23 March 2013
Cabin Fever
All throughout the UK there is horrible snow, in March! Do you think someone should tell it that Christmas was 3 months ago?...
Captains Log: Day two of being house bond. I only have half a bottle of red wine left, one packet of super noodles and a tin of soup to keep me going. Cabin Fever has began to strike. I am jealous of children with their sleighs going about the street, I'm 23 and hate the snow. When I think of snow I don't think of pretty white stuff which is fun to play in...no, I think of cold, wet weather which makes me sad and something which I don't like falling infront of people in.
I have been stuck in my house for three days, I have resorted to reading the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy again and watching rubbish television. It also makes me extremely sad to think of the abandoned/stray animals and homeless people who don't have a warm, safe place to be in weather like this. The thoughts of something/someone being alone, hungry and afraid is something which breaks my heart.
It's at times like this that it makes me realise how lucky some people are, we moan about being bored and about having 1/2 a bottle of wine in the house, although there are creatures and humans out there who don't have a place to call home, they live each day as it comes and only eat if/what they can find. If I could help all these people/animals I would do so in a heartbeat, although that's unrealistic. If you see an animal or homeless person can you please spare a second and contact a homeless shelter/animal sanctuary and let them know the location of the person/animal - do a good deed.
Captains Log: Day two of being house bond. I only have half a bottle of red wine left, one packet of super noodles and a tin of soup to keep me going. Cabin Fever has began to strike. I am jealous of children with their sleighs going about the street, I'm 23 and hate the snow. When I think of snow I don't think of pretty white stuff which is fun to play in...no, I think of cold, wet weather which makes me sad and something which I don't like falling infront of people in.
I have been stuck in my house for three days, I have resorted to reading the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy again and watching rubbish television. It also makes me extremely sad to think of the abandoned/stray animals and homeless people who don't have a warm, safe place to be in weather like this. The thoughts of something/someone being alone, hungry and afraid is something which breaks my heart.
It's at times like this that it makes me realise how lucky some people are, we moan about being bored and about having 1/2 a bottle of wine in the house, although there are creatures and humans out there who don't have a place to call home, they live each day as it comes and only eat if/what they can find. If I could help all these people/animals I would do so in a heartbeat, although that's unrealistic. If you see an animal or homeless person can you please spare a second and contact a homeless shelter/animal sanctuary and let them know the location of the person/animal - do a good deed.
Sunday, 10 March 2013
Happy Mother's Day?...
Today is Mother's Day which is universally known as the day where you make your mother breakfast in bed, treat them to flowers and other gifts and/or bring them out for a meal in a bid to say thanks for being you! In my world though, this day isn't spent in a joyous atmosphere where everyone is happy - no - it's spent with my mother not speaking to me for one reason or another. Breakfast's are ignored, presents ignored, cards torn up, dinners cancelled...therefore I shall rename this day - BLAH day!
On another front, I'm at the age now where I need to start making important decisions about my life. I need to figure out which career path I wish to embarke upon - what is right for me? In an ideal world, I would be in a profession in relation to my passion, drama. I would love to be a drama teacher, although in the current recession and on bad timing on my part, there are no courses which I seem to be eligible for for one reason or another. I used to truely believe that my passion and enthusiasm for performing arts would see me through. I run my own theatre company in Belfast in which I am happier than I have ever been when I'm watching people progress and grow due to my teaching style and my support. There is nothing better than watching people grow and know that you have helped in some way.
Everybody says that there is a path lead out for you and that you're life will work out the way it's supposed to...I truely hope that my life is going to be kind to me and that teaching/persuing drama in some shape or form becomes my career at some point....believing in your dreams has got to count for something.....surely?!...
On another front, I'm at the age now where I need to start making important decisions about my life. I need to figure out which career path I wish to embarke upon - what is right for me? In an ideal world, I would be in a profession in relation to my passion, drama. I would love to be a drama teacher, although in the current recession and on bad timing on my part, there are no courses which I seem to be eligible for for one reason or another. I used to truely believe that my passion and enthusiasm for performing arts would see me through. I run my own theatre company in Belfast in which I am happier than I have ever been when I'm watching people progress and grow due to my teaching style and my support. There is nothing better than watching people grow and know that you have helped in some way.
Everybody says that there is a path lead out for you and that you're life will work out the way it's supposed to...I truely hope that my life is going to be kind to me and that teaching/persuing drama in some shape or form becomes my career at some point....believing in your dreams has got to count for something.....surely?!...
Friday, 8 February 2013
The season of new beginnings
At the moment my life seems to be thankfully moving an exciting direction. I have an interview for a PGCE which I'm very nervous/positive about. That's not to say that I think I'm going to gain a position on said course, but it's just nice to be given the opportunity in an interview after recieving X amount of rejection letters from dead end jobs.
I have always had the mindset in that everything happens for a reason. At the time of being constantly rejected from employment and feeling very low in myself, it allowed me to reevaluate my life and figure out what exactly I wanted to do. I always knew I wanted to persue and teaching career although after not gaining a place on a PGCE straight after university I lost confidence in myself and decided to try a different career route. In doing so it has strengthed my passion and enthusiasm for teaching stronger than before. At the present time I own and run a community theatre company based in my hometown. In doing this it has allowed me to continue gaining skills and keep my spirits up.
This blog is starting to sound quite downhearted but my message that I wish for people to take from it is to continue trying to persue your dream, no matter what obstacles you may come across. I have recieved hundreds of rejection letters from job I applied for not through determination to persue them but simply for money and that isn't a way to spend your life. Take a step back and figure out what makes you happy. We are a long time dead and I truely believe we need to try and make the right decisions for ourselves. Do what makes you happy and remember - for every rejection letter/no you recieve there will be some sort of silver lining if you continue to believe in yourself and follow your heart.
- Nicola
I have always had the mindset in that everything happens for a reason. At the time of being constantly rejected from employment and feeling very low in myself, it allowed me to reevaluate my life and figure out what exactly I wanted to do. I always knew I wanted to persue and teaching career although after not gaining a place on a PGCE straight after university I lost confidence in myself and decided to try a different career route. In doing so it has strengthed my passion and enthusiasm for teaching stronger than before. At the present time I own and run a community theatre company based in my hometown. In doing this it has allowed me to continue gaining skills and keep my spirits up.
This blog is starting to sound quite downhearted but my message that I wish for people to take from it is to continue trying to persue your dream, no matter what obstacles you may come across. I have recieved hundreds of rejection letters from job I applied for not through determination to persue them but simply for money and that isn't a way to spend your life. Take a step back and figure out what makes you happy. We are a long time dead and I truely believe we need to try and make the right decisions for ourselves. Do what makes you happy and remember - for every rejection letter/no you recieve there will be some sort of silver lining if you continue to believe in yourself and follow your heart.
- Nicola
Wednesday, 16 January 2013
Fresh start...
With it being just over two weeks into the new year I haven't as of yet started any of my resolutions for the following reasons 1) I have been ill from before Christmas with a viral infection which is causing me to faint and take anxiety attacks thus stopping me going to the gym 2) I have started a new theatre company and I am stressed about people not turning up to join 3) I am no longer a person of positive thinking but instead am a 5 foot 5 being of stess....not good (think of the grey hairs!) and finally 4) my car has broken down (which makes no difference at the minute as I'm housebond due to being ill)...but even still, it's not a positive thing.
I need to take a step back and try and find my central zen....I need to try to destress, get my health back on track, enjoy new experiences and try to become a positive thinker....although as many know, this is easier said than done.
I need to get in touch with my spiritual side, maybe join a yoga class, go to a spa for a couple of days and start referring to myself as moonbeam?....
And breathe.......
I need to take a step back and try and find my central zen....I need to try to destress, get my health back on track, enjoy new experiences and try to become a positive thinker....although as many know, this is easier said than done.
I need to get in touch with my spiritual side, maybe join a yoga class, go to a spa for a couple of days and start referring to myself as moonbeam?....
And breathe.......
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