Ch ch ch changes

It has come to mind that I finish my university life in 16 days...just over two weeks I will no longer be an undergraduate and be able to make excuses for my lack of employment. This is a thoroughly scary thought. It has also made me realise that no matter what ambitions or plans I had for my life when I was younger have came true. At the age of 13 I imagined when thinking about an older version of oneself, that at 21 I would have my degree, 22 have a teaching job, 23 be engaged/and or living with my fiance and have a good salary. Alas, at 22 years old, I will be graduating from University in just over two months time, I have no job, no teaching post (as it is ridicuously difficult to get into a PGCE course in Northern Ireland) and have no money to my name. I am facing one of my worst fears at the moment, being an unemployed undergraduate stereotype. I could go as far as to say I am suffering bouts of a middle-life-crisis...this is not a good sign!

I need to get my head cleared, get the last pieces of work completed, handed in and start thinking about this new chapter of my life and where it's going to lead me...every cloud has a silver lining, or so the saying goes...therefore I should take this as a positive step and take a little time to figure out what this thing called life has in store for me! *ohhhhhhh deep*

Happy Easter

First and foremost I'd like to say a big Happy Easter to everyone, I hope you're having a great day! I'm not an overly religious person, therefore Easter to me is simply the time of year when it's okie to eat large amounts of chocolate until you make yourself physically sick. This is somewhat wasted on me as I'm not a massive chocolate fan (call the food police, a women who isn't that into chocolate!) It has got me thinking how many silly holidays have been created by the advertising agencies throughout the world...non smoking day, St Patricks Day, April fools day (the one day of the year where women can't be more original to think of telling someone their pregnant, then laughing and saying ''APRIL FOOLS''...grow up and think of something better)...the list can go on. These holiday's are simply an excuse for people to drink more alcohol and feel okie about doing so...it's 3pm in the afternoon, it's Easter, open the wine!  It proves my point about marketing, people associating Easter with a 'Bunny' and 'Chocolate' rather than the religious aspect of it, I wonder if I start calling April 14th 'SEX DAY' and advertise it throughout the world for long enough, will this be made into a national holiday? Where people aren't allowed to leave the house and simply spend the day making love with their partners, or if they're single....it can have the subtitle of 'VIBRATOR DAY'...you got to broaden your market! The only marketing holiday I actually like is Valentines Day, as the inner romantic in me loves the idea of people throughout the world falling in love and opening their hearts to people, new relationships starting, millions of babies being concieved due to lack of condoms due to being 'in the heat of the romantic moment', again, lots of chocolates being bought to show your loved one how you feel. But again, there is a bad side to even this holiday which is, singletons throughout the world become bitter spinsters and reside to the fact that if they are women, they will be single forever and have only the company of their 16 cats in a one bedroomed flat to survive for. And if you're a man and single on Valentines Day, then you simply play your Xbox/playstation/whatever the new game is and reside to praying on said single girls in clubs and hoping they are feeling lonely and depressed enough for you to 'comfort' them and get them drunk enough to bring home, again, creating another genre of babies which shall go under the category ''was concieved on a marketed holiday, due to mummy feeling alone and bitter and daddy feeling horny and having alcohol''. I dislike how people are programmed to feel a certain way at certain times of the year, but I'll save the rest of my rant for another blog. Be merry, eat chocolate galore and remember, it's never too early for wine!

Good Friday

As it is Good Friday, I have decided to try and make it a GOOD day for everyone in blog land by giving another few of my favourite jokes, enjoy =)!

1) I went to the doctors. He said 'What appears to be the problem?'.
I said 'I keep having the same dream, night after night, beautiful girls rushing towards me and I keep pushing them away'.
He said 'How can I help?'.
I said 'Break my arms!'

2) I went to the doctor the other day,
I said 'it hurts when I do that'
he said ' well don't do it'

3) This little old lady was frightened. She looked at me, she said 'Do something religious'.
So I took up a collection.

4) Sometimes I drink my whiskey neat.
Other times I take my tie off and leave my shirt out.

5) I'm on a whisky diet,
i've lost three days already.

6) I hurt my back the other day.
I was playing piggy back with my 6 year old nephew, and I fell off.

7) This fella is on safari in Africa when he comes across an elephant lying on the ground, in distress.
He investigates and finds a thorn in its foot.
He removes it, and the elephant trots merrily away.
Twenty years on, the man is standing in the street in London watching a circus procession pass by.
When the elephant gets level with him, it stops, looks straight at him, reaches out with its trunk, lifts him bodily into the air, smashes him on the ground and jumps on him.
It was a different elephant.

8) I slept like a log last night. I woke up in a fireplace.....

9) A man walked into the doctors, he said "I've hurt my arm in several places.
The doctor said "well don't go there any more"

10) For the scientifically minded.
A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says.
The bartender promptly serves up a beer.
"How much will that be?" asks the neutron.
"For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge."

Embrace Happiness

Last night I was lucky enough to be at the comeback tour of my favourite childhood band 'Steps'. It made me realise what a joy it is to be able to go back to the mindset of the 13 year old you and embrace your childishness. Dancing and singing at the top of your voice for two hours was exactly what I needed to de-stress. This got me thinking, that you don't  have to do anything expensive or overly special in order to get back to your true happiness, simply referring back to a happier time in your past (for me seeing my favourite childhood band) helped me to appreciate happiness again. Like many other students, I am in the final few weeks of my education and therefore feeling the pressure and stress to meet deadlines and do well in my degree - dancing to cheesy music helped ground me again and realise that pressures and stresses I had as a child and bad situations all went away with time, even when you felt like your world was crumbling around you, I can look back now and smile at situations. This will happen again, all this sadness and stress which I feel now, when I look back in 5 years time will seem like nothing. It's a lovely experience to feel, just to gain a lost perspective and outlook about life again, all steming from a concert. These few weeks of hard work are nothing compared to what life has thrown at me in the past, I need to zen and get focused *feels appropriate to start humming/chanting here* Moral of this blog is, if you're feeling upset or under pressure, do something that has made you happy in the past such as listening to your old favourite band or watching a film which makes you smile and remember - situations and people which made you feel down in your past are no longer relevant - just like situations in the present day will be irrelevant 5 years from now. Smile and be true to yourself  =)!

Laugh out loud.

Instead of writing a usual blog, I thought it would be a better idea to compile some of my favourite Tommy Cooper jokes to brighten your day =)! Enjoy!

1) I went to the doctor the other day,
I said 'it hurts when I do that'
he said ' well don't do it'

2) A policeman stopped me the other night, he taps on the window of the car and says:
'Would you please blow into this bag, Sir'.
I said: 'What for, Officer?'
He says: 'My chips are too hot'.

3) I had a meal last night,
I ordered everything in French,
surprised everybody,
It was a Chinese restaurant.

4) I went to the doctor. He said 'you've got a very serious illness'.
I said 'I want a second opinion'.
He said 'all right, you're ugly as well'.

5) I went to the doctor the other day
I said 'have you got anything for wind'
so he gave me a kite.

6) I was cleaning out the attic the other day with the wife.
Filthy, dirty and covered with cobwebs....
but she's good with the kids....

7) Two Aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.
The ceremony was rubbish but the Reception was brilliant.

8) "So I went down my local ice-cream shop, and said 'I want to buy an ice-cream'.
He said Hundreds & thousands?'
I said 'We'll start with one.'
He said 'Knickerbocker glory?'
I said 'I do get a certain amount of freedom in these trousers, yes.'
9) A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only clingfilm for shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
10) "So I rang up a local building firm,
I said 'I want a skip outside my house.'
He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

11) Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese.
And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them.
It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin.
Or my younger brother HoChaChu.
But I think it's Colin.

12) So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
"Can you give me a lift?"
I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'