Good Friday

As it is Good Friday, I have decided to try and make it a GOOD day for everyone in blog land by giving another few of my favourite jokes, enjoy =)!

1) I went to the doctors. He said 'What appears to be the problem?'.
I said 'I keep having the same dream, night after night, beautiful girls rushing towards me and I keep pushing them away'.
He said 'How can I help?'.
I said 'Break my arms!'

2) I went to the doctor the other day,
I said 'it hurts when I do that'
he said ' well don't do it'

3) This little old lady was frightened. She looked at me, she said 'Do something religious'.
So I took up a collection.

4) Sometimes I drink my whiskey neat.
Other times I take my tie off and leave my shirt out.

5) I'm on a whisky diet,
i've lost three days already.

6) I hurt my back the other day.
I was playing piggy back with my 6 year old nephew, and I fell off.

7) This fella is on safari in Africa when he comes across an elephant lying on the ground, in distress.
He investigates and finds a thorn in its foot.
He removes it, and the elephant trots merrily away.
Twenty years on, the man is standing in the street in London watching a circus procession pass by.
When the elephant gets level with him, it stops, looks straight at him, reaches out with its trunk, lifts him bodily into the air, smashes him on the ground and jumps on him.
It was a different elephant.

8) I slept like a log last night. I woke up in a fireplace.....

9) A man walked into the doctors, he said "I've hurt my arm in several places.
The doctor said "well don't go there any more"

10) For the scientifically minded.
A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says.
The bartender promptly serves up a beer.
"How much will that be?" asks the neutron.
"For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge."